How Doulas Help Dads Show Up in the Birth Room
Hey Dads,
A common misconception is that if you hire a doula then Dad will be out of a job. That is far from the truth! Let me tell you a little story…
When I was pregnant with our first baby my husband had NO idea how to help or what the process looked like. He didn’t have a huge family and wasn’t routinely around small children. In hindsight I wish we would have taken initiative to take a Childbirth Education course. I am so glad to offer Birth Restored childbirth education to all of my clients. But back to the story… We didn’t know what we know now and, in the moment, my husband just told me to go to the classes or read the books and tell him the important stuff. We were young and we didn’t realize how ineffective that is for something so important.
When it came time for our son to be born my husband was playing video games through my epidural and was just completely disconnected. I don’t blame him because he just didn’t know. By our fourth baby he was a master at protecting my birth space and being present with me for whatever I needed.
As I became a doula a lot of the content was in video form and so he listened in. I believe he is owed a certification because he is an honorary doula at this point. He came a long way, and I am confident he would command his younger self to get a doula and learn the ropes of birth.
Because that is part of our story it has become important to me to help husbands feel confident entering the birth space as the protector of his family. In birth class, I often speak directly to dads and tell them when it’s time for them to listen up and understand the assignment. Here are some ways that I love to help dads:
Including them on our text thread - all dads are invited to be a part of mom and I’s texts to make sure he is in the loop and can communicate with me if needed during early labor.
Teach them comfort measures - Dads will learn the magical hip squeeze and more in birth class with me and a refresher in our prenatals. Sometimes dads “don’t do it right” because they just need a few adjustments.
Teaching him how to serve you - in our prenatals I try to paint dads a good picture of how they can be helpful to moms leading up to labor and especially in early labor. I tell them how to protect mom’s anxiety and her mind when labor looks promising. They can be the key to a peaceful and rested birth by making sure that mom stays in bed as long as she can during the night if labor starts.
Labor dream team - in labor dad and I will tag team caring for mom. If dad is giving hip squeezes I will help mom breath, get her water, or other comfort measures. If I am hands-on, I will give dad some ideas on things mom might need (a cool rag, heat turned down, a bath drawn etc).
And that leads me to my most important point. I NEVER take Dad’s place. I want to empower and inform dads on how they can be an active participant and play a key role in the birth outcome by allowing him to be fully educated and confident. I always tell dad’s that this is their baby too and I want to see that they are honored in the process. We honor people by educating them in their rights and their roles.
So, dads, the next mom says, “I was kind of thinking of hiring a doula, what do you think?” Your answer is, “Do it!” Doulas are a dads best friend. We allow you to fill as confident as possible. Your social media algorithms may not be synced up to the birth-tok like mom’s but I will point you in the right direction!
Warmly,
Your Doula Erin
PS If you are in North Texas and looking for a doula I would love to chat! You can learn more about me here.